


nowhere to call home

by celestialfics



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Missing Scene, Nonbinary Kurapika (Hunter X Hunter), Other, Repression, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-26
Updated: 2020-10-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:01:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27213127
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celestialfics/pseuds/celestialfics
Summary: “Pairo,” Kurapika finally says, clenching their hands together, vibrating phone fallen to the floor below, “My journey may finally begin.” They sigh, chest tight, eyes meeting the scarlet ones before them. “But… Where would I go…? There is no home for me to return to…and no one to welcome me back. I have nothing left.”
Relationships: Kurapika/Leorio Paladiknight
Comments: 8
Kudos: 57





	nowhere to call home

**Author's Note:**

> beginning dialogue is from chapter 344, consequent additions are my own. one particular page from tht chapter broke my heart, and i’ve been thinking about it for months. finally got around to writing something to make myself feel a bit better
> 
> minor manga spoilers 4 the dark continent expedition arc, i think its still understandable if u haven’t read the manga tho  
> kurapika uses they/them <3

Leorio always means well. He calls and calls, and Kurapika knows he means well. But it’s been so long, and Kurapika has missed so much… How can they still consider themself a good friend, or a friend at all? Despite everything they promised, despite everything they’ve said, when the phone rings and Leorio’s name lights up the screen, Kurapika cannot bring themself to answer. 

Being consumed by rage is an easy thing. Dealing with the consequences of that all-consuming rage is anything but. Kurapika’s gaze lands on the red eyes that sit in front of them, and they swallow the lump that’s made a home in their throat. Finding their brethren’s eyes has always been Kurapika’s number one priority. But it’s only now, when that task is almost finished, that they wonder, was it wrong? They have lost what they gained along the way, friends that had Kurapika’s back even when they were too blind to see them—friends that Kurapika abandoned at their time of need, too entrenched in a bloody search to even be aware of their perils. 

“Pairo,” they finally say, clenching their hands together, vibrating phone fallen to the floor below, “My journey may finally begin.” They sigh, chest tight, eyes meeting the scarlet ones before them. “But… Where would I go…? There is no home for me to return to…and no one to welcome me back. I have nothing left.” 

Their voice begins to shake as their hands grip tighter and tighter. “After this, after all this, all the bloodshed and the promises and the vows, all the bribery and senselessness of it all… the absolute purpose of it all…” 

The candles that Kurapika had lit earlier now flicker, a draft reaching them. 

“After everything, where in the world am I to feel at home?”

There is no answer. Of course there isn’t. None of Kurapika’s comrades can hear them speak; none of the disembodied eyes can comprehend a thing. They are suspended in formaldehyde, as dead as they have been for years. 

Kurapika feels their own eyes change in shade. “Once, there was something. I had something,” they say, body feeling cold, “But it swallowed me whole before I had the chance to get my footing and I’m forever lost in the draft of the following wind, forever searching in the wreckage of the storm.”

Tears sit on Kurapika’s waterline before falling down their cheeks, dripping from their chin to the floor. 

“Tell me, Pairo, please…” A shaky breath, eyes closed tight. “How do I cure this ache to belong somewhere I cannot reach?” 

The following silence weighs heavy in the air.

—

When Kurapika comes face to face with Leorio again, they remember just why they had to leave. 

Over the phone, before Kurapika arrived at the Hunter Association Headquarters, Leorio seemed excited to see them, despite everything. He barely said anything about what Kurapika missed, besides that Gon was healed. It felt… anticlimactic, almost. 

But when Kurapika sees Leorio again, their heart leaps to their throat. He runs over to them, yelling their name with a look on his face that Kurapika elects to ignore. Because the fact of the matter is, Kurapika left because Leorio is a distraction. He’s a liability. In order to get the eyes of their brethren back, Kurapika can’t have attachments. Leorio is Kurapika’s biggest threat. If someone hurt Leorio, in order to coerce Kurapika… 

Kurapika clears their mind and talks with Leorio about the mission at hand as if nothing has happened. As if there is nothing between them—not months of missed calls and tears—as if there is nothing but friendly acquaintance. 

It hurts. Even after all this time, Leorio is Kurapika’s biggest threat.

— 

Despite the part of themself that tells them they need to get away from Leorio as quickly as they possibly can, Kurapika ends up in a hotel room with him the night after the Zodiac meeting. It had been as simple as Leorio asking and Kurapika not being able to deny him to his face. 

“There’s a lot to catch up on, huh?” Leorio says, splaying himself in the hotel chair, having just taken off his suit jacket. 

Kurapika, still standing near the doorway, blinks at the sight of him. “I suppose there is.” 

“I know I haven’t shown it,” Leorio says, crossing his legs at the ankle, “but I’m really fucking mad at you.” 

A pang hits Kurapika in the chest. “I know,” they reply. “You have every right to be.” 

“I’m really fucking mad at you,” Leorio repeats, “but I’ve already forgiven you.” 

Kurapika stares, waiting for Leorio to continue. 

“I can’t hold anything over you except not answering my calls. I mean, I wasn’t there when Gon or Killua really needed it, either. And if I had been, I doubt I’d have been strong enough to help. Truth is, we both just didn’t know. But I do have a question for you…” Leorio pauses, grabbing the plastic cup off of the table beside him and taking a long drink before he continues, “If you’d known about the Chimeras, about Gon and Killua, would you have gone to them?” 

Kurapika answers without hesitation: “Yes.” 

Tension seems to release from Leorio’s shoulders and his face softens. “That’s why I forgave you.” 

“But I didn’t answer your calls; I didn’t come when… You couldn’t have known—” 

“I knew,” Leorio interrupts. “Kurapika, you think you’re elusive. To everyone else, maybe. But I know you.” 

“You  _ knew  _ me,” Kurapika responds. They regret it as soon as it’s past their lips. 

The resulting look on Leorio’s face renders Kurapika speechless. His lips part, the shock and disappointment clear in his eyes. He looks down to his lap, where his hands sit on his legs. He grips at his pants, bunching the fabric between his fingers. 

“Kurapika,” he starts, causing Kurapika to suck in a breath, “Do you trust me?” 

The question is too large for an immediate answer, so Kurapika lets it fester in the air. They haven’t seen Leorio in months, and yet they know, even if it’d been years—one call and Leorio would be at their side. 

“I trust you,” they finally answer. 

“Why?” Leorio’s resulting question is simple, but it all suddenly makes sense. 

Kurapika responds, “I know you.” In the silence, Leorio’s slight grin is louder than Kurapika’s own heartbeat in their ears. “I’m sorry.” 

“You test me,” Leorio responds, “But I will forgive you, as many times as it takes.” 

“You shouldn’t.” 

“Yes, I should.” Leorio’s statement is taut, final. His tone then changes, “Now, would you sit down? I don’t like looking up at you.” 

Kurapika can’t help the snicker that follows, but heeds Leorio’s words and takes a seat on the edge of the hotel bed. 

Once Leorio starts telling Kurapika about the Chairman election, he doesn’t stop until he’s finished. It’s a lot to take in at once, what with Leorio punching Gon’s dad and actually almost becoming Chairman because of it. But it’s entertaining, especially with Leorio telling it, and it actually manages to get a few laughs out of Kurapika, too. By the end of it, they’re both looking a bit flushed from the talking and laughter. 

“You know, it’s great to see you,” Leorio says, “I’ve missed you.” 

Those words set a bell ringing in Kurapika’s ears, reminding them that it’s dangerous to stay long at Leorio’s side. After all, Kurapika’s mission isn’t over yet, and endangering Leorio is the last thing they want to do. But keeping Leorio in the dark seems unthinkable now.

“Leorio,” they say, “I know who has the last of the scarlet eyes.” 

Leorio seems taken aback by the sudden confession, as he opens his mouth to speak but nothing comes out. 

“After I’ve gotten the eyes…” Kurapika trails off, unsure what to say. “After that, I’ll be done with my mission.” The words sit in the air, feeling unfinished. Yet, Kurapika can’t bring themself to confide in Leorio the way they had in Pairo only a few days ago.  _ Where in the world am I to feel at home? _

“What will you do then?” Leorio asks, but doesn’t give Kurapika time to answer before he continues, “It might be kind of boring, since I mostly just study for school, but my apartment is always open for you, if you would want to take the time to recuperate.” He pauses. “Well, assuming we both make it back from the Dark Continent expedition in one piece.” 

And then, Kurapika wonders how they could have been so stupid. Of course, after everything, Leorio would be there to welcome Kurapika back, to invite them into his home. Of course it would be Leorio. 

At once, Kurapika begins to laugh. Leorio looks at them, flustered. “What’s funny? I promise I’ll clean up for you—” 

“No, it’s just—” Kurapika cuts themself off and starts again, “I’ve been so stupid.”

The resulting expression on Leorio’s face is quizzical. 

“After honoring all of my clan by retrieving their eyes, I thought… No, I  _ know  _ I will feel relief. But they can’t be family; they are only pieces of a family I once had. I wondered where I could possibly go, with no family to return to.” 

Leorio looks as if he wants to speak, but Kurapika continues, “I thought I’d lost the privilege of considering you, Gon, and Killua my family. By neglecting you. By being selfish. But here you are, offering hospitality to me…” 

“Kurapika…” Leorio breathes, eyes sad. 

“And I want to accept that. I want to, Leorio. But I can’t.” Kurapika’s throat feels tight. 

Leorio blinks at them. “Why can’t you?” 

“I…” 

Whatever words Kurapika is searching for won’t come. Leorio stands from the chair and sits next to Kurapika on the bed, close enough that their thighs press together. He sets his hand on Kurapika’s leg, and Kurapika stares at it. 

“You trust me, and you know me, so why would you ever think I’d abandon you, even if you wanted me to?” 

“It’s not like that,” Kurapika says. 

Leorio raises an eyebrow. “Well, it sure sounds like that.” 

“I… Okay, I don’t know.” The floodgates break. “If I let you stay near me, if I express how much you mean to me, then people can use that against me. There’s only one person left with any scarlet eyes, but… I’ve made a lot of enemies. What if something happened to you, because of me? To get to me? How would I live with myself?” 

When they’ve stopped talking, Kurapika clenches their eyes shut and turns their head away from Leorio. 

“You know, I can fend for myself.” Leorio lifts his hand to gently take Kurapika’s jaw and turn their head back. “I can choose for myself, too. Nothing would be your fault, because I’d choose to be at your side, if you’d let me.” 

Even after Leorio lowers his hand, the warmth from his fingertips lingers against Kurapika’s skin. When Leorio sets his hand back on his lap, Kurapika finds themself reaching for it, entwining Leorio’s fingers with their own. 

They let out a deep breath. “Can I sleep here tonight?” 

Leorio’s expression is soft as he looks down at their clasped hands. “Of course,” he says, squeezing Kurapika’s hand gently. 

“Thank you.” 

“Don’t thank me,” Leorio says, and although he hesitates for a moment, he lets go of Kurapika’s hand and stands. “Do you want to borrow something to sleep in? I have a clean shirt that should fit you, although it might be a little big…” 

Kurapika smiles softly. “That would be nice.” 

After Leorio rummages through his luggage for a bit, he gives Kurapika a set of clothes and Kurapika heads into the bathroom to change. They slide out of their suit jacket before loosening their tie and unbuttoning their undershirt, revealing their binder. They contemplate leaving it on for a moment, but it’s uncomfortable at best and dangerous at worst to wear to sleep, so they slip out of it and pull Leorio’s t-shirt over their bare skin. 

The pants Leorio had lended Kurapika are too big, but the t-shirt is long, reaching Kurapika’s mid thigh. They look at themself in the mirror, tug at the bottom hem of the shirt, and decide that it will do well enough. 

When Kurapika comes back into the main room, Leorio has changed into a tank top and sweatpants. He blushes upon seeing Kurapika and says, “I—uh, I can look for another pair of pants—” 

“It’s fine,” Kurapika interrupts, lifting the cover on the bed and slipping underneath it. The cotton feels nice on their bare legs. 

“I’m just gonna—ah, brush my teeth and—well, you get comfortable, okay?” If his blush hadn’t already revealed how flustered he was, Leorio’s stammering would have sealed the deal. Regardless, Kurapika allows a warmth to settle across their own cheeks. 

As they lie under the covers, staring up at the white ceiling, they can’t help but wonder if all of this is really okay. It feels almost too good to be real. Too good to not be… dangerous. But if Leorio is aware of the risks and still chooses to be with Kurapika… 

Before Kurapika can finish that train of thought, Leorio bursts out of the bathroom, toothbrush still in his mouth. “Okay!” he exclaims, ripping the toothbrush from his mouth and gesturing wildly with it, “Kurapika, I know this is sudden, but I can’t stand even  _ thinking  _ about being unable to reach you for months on end again, without at least letting you know.” He stops suddenly, his cheeks and the tips of his ears lit up pink. Kurapika stares with wide eyes. “I love you. Like, really. A lot. And I know you… you have a lot going on. But I don’t need you to do anything with this information except hear it. So, uh…” He seems to run out of steam, the embarrassment of his confession (and the foamy toothpaste around his mouth, perhaps) catching up with him. “Uh, yeah. I love you. I’m gonna… go back into the bathroom now.” 

The door slams behind him, leaving Kurapika bewildered. They promptly lift the covers and set their feet on the floor, walking over to the bathroom door and rapping their knuckles softly against the door. “Leorio…” 

Leorio opens the door, scratching at the back of his neck as a blush still paints his face, although the toothpaste is now wiped away. “Sorry, I just had to finish brushing—” 

Before he can finish his statement, Kurapika stands up on their tip-toes and presses their lips against Leorio’s. Leorio’s hands come to rest on the small of Kurapika’s back, and Kurapika cradles the sides of Leorio’s face. 

“I love you,” Kurapika says when they pull apart, though they do not move their hands from the sides of Leorio’s face. “I don’t want you to get hurt because of my work, but I let that cloud my vision for far too long. You’re right, it’s not just my choice, but yours, too. And I want you by my side.” 

A dorky smile spreads across Leorio’s face, and Kurapika knows that even if they wanted to, there would be no way they could abandon him again. Because, after all, as Leorio’s arms wrap Kurapika into a tight hug, there’s no other way Kurapika can describe it but feeling like home. 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [twitter](http://twitter.com/liquidsaints) & [tumblr](http://liquidsaints.tumblr.com/)
> 
> thanks for reading! <3


End file.
